}
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Friday, April 20, 2007

insomnia

faint music,
nocturnal lights.
counted a thousand sheep
in my restless mind.
yet my eyes,
they fail me.

dancing shadows,
cricket’s song.
nearby, an echo
of rushing footsteps.
and yet no sign
of any night dweller.

several deep blinks ,
a yawn.
as my eyes begin
to slowly yield
to deep slumber.

blurring vision,
fading murmurs.
I force my eyes shut;
as my dreams consume me,
and nightmares torment me.

lostandconfused lost herself at 1:34 AM |


Wednesday, April 18, 2007

regrets

i know i promised to post here everyday, but i dont think i can keep it, especially when i have no idea what to post about since my life is pretty uneventful nowadays. i'm just stuck home watching movies and television series on dvd. i've finished watching prison break until the 16th episode of season 2 and i can't wait to watch the succeeding episodes. michael scofield is just too hot to miss. too bad the dvd my dad bought was just until ep16. now i have to buy season to all over again. sayang naman.

anyway, i have realized something today. (not that i rarely realize things.) you see, my cousin just started taking piano lessons today and my desire to learn playing the piano resurfaced once again. when i was little, i wanted to take classes that would develop or give me any talent. i took interest in ballet, drawing and painting, writing, and music. i especially wanted to learn to play a musical instrument. unfortunately, i never really got to pursue any of these interests since i thought the fee was expensive and i didn't want it to add up to my mom's burdens. eventually, my desire faded. i had other things to worry about in grade school: fitting in, my obsession with playstation, and you know... kid stuff.

after some time, i began to self educate. i struggled in learning how to play the guitar and i learned a little, but i soon realized i wanted to learn how to play the piano more. i knew there was no way i could ever get piano lessons so i gave up. i thought i would just get over it that quickly, but in high school every time we had our music class i would grow jealous of my classmates who knew how to play the piano. i grew even more jealous when i learned it was their mom who insisted they take lessons. my mom knew i wanted to learn, but she never asked me if i'd like to take lessons. i wished she had insisted. i don't blame her though. i wish i had not given up that easily. i wish gave more intrest in taking up piano lessons. now, i just think it's too late.

lostandconfused lost herself at 8:03 AM |


Monday, April 9, 2007

starting over

I don’t know what it is but there’s just something I can’t quite put my finger on. My hand just can’t seem to stay still. My fingers, they tap and trace the forgotten corners of this ancient keyboard. I long to type in letter by letter, but the words quickly fade and the letters fall short. What is wrong with me? I know I’ve always kept a restless mind. One that travels more than miles and miles away. No, not miles. Universes, yes. Each thought brings me to new worlds until I’m so far away that I cannot even remember where I started. And when I stop to take a pause, I can no longer recognize where I am nor can I fathom the distance by mind traveled. Yes, I’ve always been restless mentally, but whenever I try to materialize these ideas they suddenly disappear like bubbles in thin air.

For years, I have been struggling to resolve this issue. To fulfill this need. To fill the pages of my journal or my previous blogs.

I think that’s what pushed me to start another blog. My previous ones were boring, really, with posts which were several days, if not months apart. Now, I’m promising myself that I would post everyday, if possible. After all, I have no life. I think I can post everyday. I just hope I would.


lostandconfused lost herself at 5:29 AM |